What Lucia Should Know About My Birthplace

It's been said here before, but it bears repeating: I am from Ohio. I have the tattoo to prove it, in fact. Some people think that all I do compare Misery/COMO to Ohio, but that's not necessarily true. It's just my point of reference because it's from where I came. I lived there for my first thirty years of life (sans that summer I thought I could live in Seattle). So, it's a big part of who I am.

Lucia should know this about me. It's her heritage. Ohio is in her blood. She is a Buckeye.

Below are the ten things she should know about this heritage.

1. Ohio is more part of the Great Lakes Region than it is part of the Midwest. I realize that this is splitting hairs, but there is a distinct difference in how people act and talk in Ohio/Michigan/Indiana/Illinois/Wisconsin/Pennsylvania/Minnesota than here in the true Midwest. Ohio's region is also known as Big Ten country as the members of the Big Ten (eleven, but who's counting?) all reside in these states. Anyway, the aesthetic definitely has a faster pace and a more East Coast feel than does the country's mid-section.

2. Ohio has a rich indie rock tradition. Guided By Voices, The Breeders, Brainiac, Magnolia Electric Co., Swearing at Motorists, Times New Viking , Pere Ubu, Devo, Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, The New Bomb Turks, The Best Damn Band in the Land, Sinkane, etc. all come from Ohio plus many, many more. The place is so happening in the scene that bands from elsewhere like New Jersey's Yo La Tengo choose Ohio bands to sit in for them at local record stores and shoot slick, Hollywood-type videos...



3. In Ohio, football is king. I have had friends moved to Ohio in the nineties and were amazed that the local news channels would devote a half-hour-to-one-hour program after the eleven o'clock news to high school football every Friday night. Although this is fairly common everywhere these days, back then it was unheard of to devote so much air time to high school sports. That doesn't even mention the Ohio State Buckeyes or the Miami University known as the "cradle of coaches" for producing several of the great college coaches over the decades. Mizzou's own coach used to coach football in Toledo before coming here. Then there's Paul Brown and his stints with the Browns and Bengals. I could go on and on, but I can already hear you all clicking of to another blog as I type.

4. Ohio is not just full of hicks. Sure, we have plenty of rednecks and hilljacks in Ohio, but there are also three major cities there (Cincinnati, Columbus, Cleveland). Besides The Ohio State University, there are twelve universities with enrollments of over 10,000. Plus, there are East Coast favorite safety schools like Case Western, Oberlin, and God's Bible School and College. Dennis Kucinich is from Ohio. My point is that there are plenty of smart, sophisticated folk in Ohio.

5. Ohio is full of hicks. I can say that because I'm one of them. I grew up in and just outside of a town with three traffic lights, two gas stations, an IGA, and twenty-three churches. In between all those cities and universities are miles upon miles of farm land and small, hick towns. It's part of our heritage.

6. Ohio has a deep African-American history. While Bushwhackers and Tigers were fighting over MO's status as a slave state, the Underground Railroad passed through Ohio. Today, the lone museum commemorating the abolitionist movement and its secret network to free slaves is located in Cincinnati. Many of the routes passed right by my childhood home. The first African-American woman graduated from college at Oberlin. Traditionally black institutions at Central State and Wilberforce are also located in the Buckeye state.

7. The Gay love Ohio, particularly Columbus. It has been claimed that there are more lesbians per capita in Columbus than San Francisco. I lived there long enough to know that this is probably true. During that time in Columbus, I think I had more lesbian friends and acquaintances than straight. Ignore the fact that the state voted to ban gay marriage. I mean, we all can't be Iowa.

8. I was born in the town that stands as Ohio's highest point. The glaciers did a funny thing and left a little patch of land in west-central Ohio alone, to sit atop and look over the rest of the state. Or something like that. I was born in Bellefontaine (pronounced bell-fountain, don't ask), home of North America's first paved street and also the one-time shortest street on the planet.

9. Ohioans have a bitter rivalry with our northern neighbor Michigan. For some unknown reason, Ohio and Michigan fought over Toledo. I'm still not sure why, but there was almost a war over it. A compromise was reached at the federal level. Ohio got to keep Toledo and Michigan was awarded the Upper Peninsula, aka Wisconsin's left arm. I'm not sure who won that argument, but I do know that it's been over five years since Michigan beat Ohio State. Ironically, Lucia's mother was born in Michigan. We won't hold it against her, because she lived in Chicago (twice), Pittsburgh, Wheeling, Oxford, and Columbus. So, she's not 100% Michiganer. That and she has two degrees from Ohio State.

10. Ohio is where I met Lucia's mother. We first met online (which knows no state boundaries), but our first face-to-face encounter was at Larry's, across from Ohio State's campus. Sadly, Larry's is no more, but we will always have Columbus.

I also have a post planned to help Lu with her own birthplace, but I decided to start with what I know.

What's so great about Ohio?

Lately, I have been taking a lot of crap for picking on Columbia and Missouri at large. Apparently referring to the state as "misery" is too much for some people, even though it's just a pun I discovered when I was in fifth grade. If a fifth grader can catch the subtle humor, shouldn't adults be able to do the same? I'm not actually a miserable curmudgeon. I just play one on the blogosphere.

It's fine that people want to defend their home. They want to raise and wave those flags of two grizzly bears holding up the Bible belt with the immortal words of "united we stand/divided we fall" and holler "M-I-Z" to all their fellow Missourians. But now I must defend my home.

My problem centers around blog-haters equating or berating my home state of Ohio in comparison to Misery. Although to New Yorkers and Californians, everything in between is just the Midwest, there are clear differences between the two states in question. Additionally, Ohio is actually worth missing. Sure, I complained about wanting to leave the state in which I lived for 30 years, but it was my home and deserves some respect.

Before moving to COMO, I lived off and on in Columbus, OH for twelve years. Columbus is not only Ohio's state capital, but it is also the state's largest city. Yes, it is larger than both Cleveland and Cincinnati. It is home to one of the nation's largest state institutions in The Ohio State University. There are about as many students, staff, and faculty as there are people in COMO. Actually, more people sit in Ohio Stadium on football Saturdays than live in COMO. In other words, Columbus is actually a major city.

Of course, size isn't everything. Columbus has plenty to offer. There is a chain of independent movie theaters known as The Drexel, plus The Wexner Center for the Arts features indie films, world-renowned art exhibits, and the best in indie rock. The music scene is also solid with bands such as Times New Viking, Sinkane, Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, The Sun, The New Bomb Turks, and many others having packed or still packing Columbus clubs on a nightly basis.

The city also boasts the country's largest non-corporate-sponsored community festival, aka Commfest. The festival features several stages, artists, merchants, restaurants, and plenty of my favorite Columbus Pale Ale. It also coincides with a sizable Pride weekend thanks to the city's very large and very visible LGBT community.

Besides the many entertainment choices, Columbus has a tremendous selection of restaurants of varying cuisines. I have had Indian, Chinese, sushi, Korean, and Ethiopian dishes that would rival restaurants anywhere. Additionally, there are many comfort food choices with Barley's, Thurman's, and Old Bag of Nails leading the pack. One of the most sophisticated and delicious vegan eateries is located at Dragonfly while a hearty vegetarian breakfast can be had at Whole World Cafe or the soups at Benevolence are unbelievably animal-product free. I haven't even mentioned maybe the two best places to eat in all of Columbus: North Star Cafe and Jenni's Ice Cream. North Star makes the best breakfast burrito anywhere (really) and plenty of other great dishes made from locally-farmed products. Jenni's features ice creams made with extra heavy creams and ingredients such as cayenne, Thai chili, local honey, various fruits, wine, etc. That's a lot of food to miss. (My stomach is grumbling as I write this.)

Of course, Ohio is not just limited to Columbus. Cleveland offers several professional sports teams, ethnic neighborhoods, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, and plenty of great music venues. Cincinnati has the Underground Railroad Museum and all the history its location on the Ohio River provides. Dayton, the hole that it is, has birthed two of the greatest bands from the nineties indie movement in The Breeders and Guided by Voices as well as Brainiac and Swearing at Motorists. Cedar Point is regularly recognized as the best amusement park in the country from its perch overlooking Lake Erie.

I'm not saying that Ohio is the greatest state in the union, but it's not the backwoods hell hole so many assume it to be. There are good reasons for me to miss my home and to compare it favorably to the state in which I now live. I doubt that will ever change.

You can try all you want to convince me that Misery ain't so bad, but don't trash Ohio in the process.

The Year in Jock Straps: Misery in OH

I can't remember a more miserable year in the history of Ohio sports. Our teams have been on the verge of greatness throughout 2007 only to come up short every time. Let's recap...
After spending the entire season at #1, the Ohio State Buckeyes were embarrassed in the BCS national championship game in early January. They had everything going for them. Troy Smith won the Heisman Trophy. James "The Animal" Laurinaitis was named the nation's top defensive player as a sophomore. Ted Ginn Jr. was considered to be the most dangerous return man in football. The only problem was that they all forgot to show up. For over a month they heard how great they were and how lucky Florida was just to be in the game. Florida used this as motivation and thoroughly trounced my Buckeyes.The worst part wasn't even losing the game. The worst has been hearing for the entire year how overrated tOSU is, how much faster SEC teams are, and how the same thing will happen this year. I know this to be a load of crap. The NFL doesn't seem to think that Ohio State players are slow or overrated. They continually stock their rosters full of Buckeyes. Only USC can boast as many high draft picks as Ohio State. Besides, one Buckeye looked fast enough on the opening kickoff return when Ginn scored on the Gators.

Things did not improve much in basketball. Again, Ohio State entered the postseason ranked #1. They completed two improbable comebacks over the course of the tournament. They looked to be on their way with three future first-round NBA picks and some great senior leadership. Then, once again, they ran into the Gators of Florida. Florida was the better team and may have been destined to win. Another Buckeye championship was not meant to be.

The NBA season ended with yet another Ohio team in the championship round. The Cleveland Cavaliers made an unlikely run through the Eastern conference on the back of LeBron James. Sadly, the San Antonio Spurs were too much for the Cavs. Ohio was 0-for-3 at this point.

The Cleveland Indians had a great run to the AL Central Division crown and through the Yankees to the ALCS. However, the Boston Red Sox came back from near-elimination to win the World Series. 0-for-4.

Now, we've circled all the way around to another football season. This time, the Cleveland Browns have put together a magical season behind a powerful offense. The only problem is that they have lost two of their last three games to fall just out of playoff contention. Even if they win this week, they need for the Tennessee Titans to lose to an Indianapolis squad that will most likely be resting its stars for the playoffs.

Of course, I have failed to mention the other Ohio teams, particularly from Ohio State, that have had fantastic seasons only to fall short in their championship bids. The Buckeye women's' basketball team dominated the Big 10 yet again but lost in the tournament, as did the Buckeye baseball team. Then there was the men's soccer team that lost to Wake Forest just two weeks ago in the final game. Mount Union, located in Alliance, had one of the most dominating football programs in Division III, but they even lost in their championship game. We're cursed I tell ya', cursed.

2007 has been rough on Ohio sports fans, but there may be some light at the end of the tunnel. The Buckeyes have somehow made their way back to the national championship game in football. Of course, it took a bizarre season in which several top-5 teams lost to un-ranked opponents (including the Buckeyes). They have to play LSU, another SEC team with speed to burn, but this time should be different. No one give Ohio State a chance despite their #1 ranking. Everyone thinks tOSU "backed in" to the championship game...as compared to losing your last game or losing two games to lesser opponents or only beating 3 bowl-eligible teams to the 6 the Buckeyes beat. They have a legitimate chance, but I'm just hoping they show up.

There was one other glimmer of hope this year. A rebuilding Ohio State men's basketball team got revenge on the Florida Gators, also rebuilding. It was a small victory, but it broke the hold Florida seemed to have over tOSU.

I just have to remind myself that Ohio teams always bounce back despite many, many setbacks. We have won our share of championships and will be back to win more. At least we're not Misery. They can't win anything...except the Big 12 North.

Strange Things You Learn About Your Sister

Kate, my sister, will probably kill me for this, but...

I remember the spring of 1998 when my sister graduated from high school. It was a typical graduation, really. There was all the normal pomp and circumstance one would expect from a small-town graduation celebration.

There was the ceremony held at the high school gym. This was where one of Kate's oldest friends was awarded class valedictorian, an opportunity she utilized to proclaim her love for her best friend, Jesus, not my sister.

The time after the graduation was spent welcoming friends and family to the house for gift-giving, well-wishes, and a little eating. The was relatively uneventful for me, but it was supposed to be that way. This was my sister's day.

At one point, Kate got to visit with some friends. Somewhere in the hysteria of their last days in West Liberty, Kate was presented a bra similar to the one pictured below...Yes. My sister and her friends took off their shirts and bras to streak across the football field in wee hours of the night. Unbeknown to them, the local po-po were there, watching them.

There trespassers were promptly taken into the police station and their parents were notified. The girls were devastated. With this mark on their records, they'd be doomed to lives of crime and poverty...well, almost.

Anyway, most of the girls turned out OK, including my sister. She's now working for a law firm (ironic?) and is currently contemplating a second "run" across Ohio Stadium in front of 105,000 people. Good luck, Kate.

Also, happy Early birthday.

The Miserable State of COMO's Music Scene

It's taken me quite a while to figure out the music scene in COMO, but I'm coming around. I honestly haven't sought out much of the scene or its scenesters. However, by attending shows somewhat regularly, I have encountered most of the major players.

Now, I've only been intimately involved in scene prior to moving here. I lived in Columbus, OH off and on from 1993 through 2005 when this young man headed west. So, I'll attempt to compare the two scenes I know best.

There are some basic things COMO-ians (still working this out) and former residents should know about Columbus. C-bus is the capital of Ohio and its largest city. It's located directly in the center of the state where I-70 and I-71 (connecting it to Cleveland and Cincinnati) cross. The Ohio State University is located there. The University is home to enough students, faculty, and staff that number somewhere in the low six figures. In fact, on football Saturdays, there are more people in Ohio Stadium than there in all of COMO. The city radiates from one primary street that runs north-south, High Street. There's more, but I want to get back to the music scene.

I have considered that the size of these two locales dictates that C-bus will just have more of everything, but quality can still overcome quantity. For example, C-bus may have a longer bike trail, but COMO's trails easily outdo my former home.

Record Stores
Every music scene revolves around its record stores. Although these institutions are going the way of the dinosaur, they are still important hang-outs where rock stars find inspiration and the scenesters congregate in the daytime.

COMO has about three stores worth mentioning. Slackers is not only the place to satisfy all your new/used media needs, but king bloggers of the scene actually work there (more on this later). Streetside is the sell-out of the lot. Founded here in COMO, the store offers the typical college town fair. I actually shop here, since they usually have the new stuff that Slackers failed to order. Part of the lore of Streetside is that the boys from White Rabbits used to work there. The other connection to the local scene for Streetside is its founder, Kevin. Kevin left his old store once he grew tired of the corporate BS. Now, he "operates" Kevin's World, an art space/hang-out/record store that's located downtown.

Columbus has COMO beat in both quality and quantity as far as record stores are concerned. There's Magnolia Thunderpussy where Ron House taught Bob freakin' Pollard about bands like Wire and the Fall. After a fire, the store moved down High Street to the revitalized Short North where they have a great indie and used selection with some vinyl. It's very similar to Slackers, but you don't have to ask for the CD behind the counter. In fact, you hardly have to do that anywhere in C-bus. Then, there's Johnny Go's House O' Music which is owned by C-bus's most hated rock critic, John Petric.

Finally, there's Used Kids. Drunk scenesters run this joint that only improved after they moved (also due to a fire). If this were the only record store in C-bus, that would be enough for me. I have been to record stores all over the country (and some places in Europe) and this is the best. There's an impressive collection of new and used vinyl and CD's, not to mention the rude/informative staff.

Venues
This might be the most unfair category in which to judge these two scenes. The small dives are virtually even in both towns. COMO has The Blue Fugue, Eastside Tavern, and Mojo's. These tiny clubs could be found near any college campus and get a somewhat steady list of bands throughout the year. Columbus has Bernie's, Rivari Room, and many, many more, but none any better than COMO's small venues. This is a tie.

Columbus is going to have more and better larger venues due to the size of the city, but I will compare anyway. Lifestyles Communities Pavilion has a stupid-ass name, but its stage can open up to an indoor concert hall or outdoor venue. COMO has nothing like this, except when they try to put on shows downtown on collapsible stages. Columbus has two arenas to COMO's one, and Ohio Stadium (as mentioned before) seats almost twice as many as Faurot Field. I actually like Jesse Auditorium more than Ohio Theater or Vets Memorial in Columbus, but none of these compare to the Wexner Center for the Arts (and its Mershon Auditorium). The Wex (as people like to call it) feature the best in modern art and film as well as those bands that don't normally come to medium-sized, mid-western cities. Like the store comparison, this one venue ends the competition but not the comparisons.

The two venues that most closely resemble each other are COMO's Blue Note and Columbus' Newport. The Blue Note is actually a pint-sized version of the Newport. Both venues get similar acts with the Note's roster more on the indie side. The Newport is reportedly the country's longest running rock venue. Both venues have awful sound systems.


Events
Neither town has a ton of special events that highlight their music scenes, but they both have pretty significant festivals that feature a ton of great music. Columbus has Comfest which is the nation's largest independent festival. Goodale park is overtaken by 3-4 stages, tens of thousands of people, and a lot of Columbus Pale Ale for a weekend in June. Columbia's big weekend happens either at the end of February or the beginning of March. The True/False festival is documentary film festival that takes over downtown and features some great independent bands. These two events have very little in common, but they are probably the best weekends in either town. One of these years I'm going to attend both. Maybe in 2008?

Bands
This is what any thriving music scene is about. Bands make or break any scene. A healthy music scene can put on and support a number of shows featuring local talent any night of the week. While neither scene has birthed any bands with significant mainstream success, there can be some comparisons.

COMO's current list of bands have received some nice attention. Bald Eagle's take on ironic, Queens of the Stone Age-type metal has locals rocking out and picking up their current release, Hot Shoulders. They're a little silly for my tastes, but they are a respectable band nonetheless. Foundry Field Recordings have received quite a bit of positive, national press, but I'm not buying it. They sounded to me opening for Spoon last week like a boring version of Deathcab for Cutie, if that's even possible. Actually, the best COMO band I've come across doesn't even reside here anymore: White Rabbits. This band moved on to greener pastures in Brooklyn and have seen some great success. Sure, they sound like they're from Brooklyn, but they have roots in Misery.

I'm two years removed from the Columbus scene, but I lived there long enough to know the major players. Over the years, many bands have created major buzz, some even signing with major labels. Scrawl, New Bomb Turks, Gaunt, Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, and the Sun are just a few of the bands that have earned major label interest. Currently, the scene in central Ohio is highlighted by longtime club regulars Earwig and new Matador signee Times New Viking. In addition, there are three or four bands for every Bald Eagles or Foundry Field Recordings in Columbus. The scene is busy.

Obviously, Columbus has the superior scene. This may be mostly due to its size, but there are several scenes in college towns the size of COMO that can boast more significant musical movements. I hate to come down so hard on my current home, but I just want it to improve.

For more information on either scene, go to COMO's Bathysphere and Columbus' Done Waiting.

Loading Up On Some Columbus

I had one day to spend in Columbus before returning to Misery. I tried to make the most of my last day home. I arrived around noon with some ideas of what to do. Here was my list...

1. Load up on OSU paraphernalia. I have been in need of some fresh OSU garb. Of course, I wouldn't have been caught dead in Columbus wearing as much OSU stuff as I wear in Misery, but I have to represent. Universi-T's had a "buy one, get two free" deal. I couldn't resist.

2. Load up on local music. I was able to take care of half of this when I stopped by Used Kids six days before when I bought the latest release by Times New Viking. On this day, I was able to hunt down the latest by my longtime favs Earwig. The album is well-produced (compared to earlier releases). However, the passion and songwriting that made them such a popular local act seems long gone. I'll give it a few more listens, but I don't have my hopes up.


3. Load up on Jeni's ice cream. This turned out to be the trickiest task of the day, but it was a task I had to complete or R may never speak to me again. The manager said that they were waiting on a shipment of dry ice around five. So, I agreed to return later for my order. However, when I returned just before five, the shop had not received their shipment of dry ice. The guy behind the counter asked if I would mind driving over to their kitchen in Grandview to pick up some ice. I did not mind since this was my sole reason for even being in Columbus this early before my flight.

After almost getting lost (due to my forgetting where Kenny Road is), I successfully found the Jeni's kitchen. The manager wrapped up my dry ice and ice cream (to be reviewed on Digital Vittles in the near future) and offered me the "five-cent tour" for my troubles. Jeni's ice cream is amazingly created in a half-empty room with only two machines not much smaller than my own refrigerator. He then showed me the freezer that is cleaned out every two days. The ice cream solidifies in this freezer after being stirred by the machines. He then offered me an ice cream sandwich for the road. Nice guy, that Jeni.

4. Load up on local cuisine. Besides the Jeni's ice cream sandwich, I had to eat several local favorites before leaving town. After being turned down the first time at Jeni's in the North Market, I enjoyed a delicious Vietnamese sandwich - bar-b-q chicken. For dessert, I headed over to Graeter's (Columbus' other ice cream mecca) for a chocolate chip milkshake. There's something about a milkshake made with premium vanilla ice cream and large, dark chocolate chips that get stuck in your straw. Later in the day, I slurped down a Monkey Business at Columbus mainstay Cup O' Joe. (Actually, the drink was from COJ's younger brother, Mo' Joe Lounge.) The day was finished off with dinner at North Star. Their chicken wraps are so good and filling. The sandwich helped hold me over when my plane was delayed by an hour. (Skybus!)


5. Load up on some culture. I didn't have a lot of time for the culture. I considered attending a cool art house flick at the beloved Drexel Theaters. However, waiting around for a decent movie showing is risky when you have limited time and all these other tasks to complete. I then remembered that the Wexner Center for the Arts was free and usually featured some great contemporary artwork. I picked up a nice gift for R and a cool t-shirt for myself in the gift shop before checking out the current exhibits. The featured exhibit was the same show that the Wex is putting on at this year's state fair. (The Ohio State Fair just got cooler!) Three Ohio artists demonstrated a diversity I haven't seen in a gallery the size of the Wexner in...well...ever. Mark Harris' intriguing video installations were way more compelling than any reality TV crap. The oddball, mixed-media sculptures of Tracy Featherstone reminded me of the junkyard dreams of my youth. I've never felt that porcelain was a viable artistic medium until I saw the work of Rain Harris. In addition to these excellent Ohio artists, the Wex also featured work by "dusty" visual artist Robert Beck, French filmmaker Chris Marker, and the photos of Zoe Leonard.

6. Load up on tattoos. OK, so I didn't load up on tattoos, but I did get one. I returned to the place where I got my first tat about four years ago, Evolved. Matt was able to take me in as a walk-in and worked very quickly. I highly recommend anyone looking to get some ink while in Columbus to see the folks at Evolved. They are super professional and very friendly. I have two somewhat lame tattoos, and the artists there have never made me feel stupid for my choice. What did I get? I got the state of Ohio inked on my forearm. Let me just say that Sandusky Bay was rather painful. (I know that the image is a mirror image. The tattoo is not backwards!)

I certainly made the most of my visit to Ohio. Maybe I should go back...

Tourist In My Own Home

My last full day in West Liberty was to spent as a tourist. If I have to wait six months for some vacation time, I figured that I should do the tourist thing on my last day in town.
I drove through town on my way to Bellefontaine, my birthplace and Ohio's highest point. the secret to driving through West Liberty is to drive about 12 miles per hour in order to time it so that you don't have to stop at any of the three "traffic" lights.

As I head north, I passed the Shell station, home to late night coffee drinkers who ask each other, "Work hard or hardly workin'?" Right across the street from this popular hangout is the Ice Cream Parlor, once known as King's Kone Korner. Yes, the initials were KKK. Of course, that wasn't the only West Liberty establishment with those initials. There was also Keith's Kuts and Kurls (barber shop) and Kathy's Kountry Krafts and the Kountry Korner Kafe. (To be honest, those last two were made up, and Keith advertised "black cuts" as one of his specialties.)

My next stop was Bellefontaine. Besides the highest point in Ohio, I decided to visit the town's other two attractions, both streets.














A statue of George Bartholomew commemorates the building of North America's first concrete street. Court Avenue used to be closed off to traffic, but has since been re-opened. However, despite this must-see attraction, Bellefontaine's downtown is pretty quiet thanks to the Super Walmart south of town. (Coincidentally, the SWM is built on former wetlands just behind the old Walmart. Textbook Walmart.)Loosely translated, Bellefontaine means "beautiful fountain" in French. Here's a photo of said fountain. It's not quite the Magic Fountain of Montjuic in Barcelona, but it's nice. My dad once told me that the Siemens factory where he has worked for over 35 years donated the pineapple at the top of fountain, but I'm not sure why a pineapple. Dad also told me that when the factory was being taken over by Siemens, it was called Bulldog. Everyone wanted to call the new factory Bulldog Siemens.














The other street that Bellefontaine is known for is McKinley. It was once crowned in the Guinness Book of World Records as the "world's shortest street" but has since been replaced by Elgin Street in Bacup, Lanks, UK and Store Headinge, Denmark. However, it should be noted that of the three shortest streets, McKinley is the only drivable one of the bunch. Notice that the hardware store on McKinley is shut down. Thanks again Walmart.

Before heading back to West Liberty (yes there is a East Liberty), I decided to visit the old camp I worked for like six summers and various weekends throughout my college years, Camp Willson. The place has expanded and improved without losing its charm. It still felt very much like it did ten years ago when I did every thing from day camp to waterfront staff to assistant program director.

Even Elaine, the camp office manager was still there. She must have threatened to quit every day that I worked there, but she's still handling the phones and enrollment.

Anne, the camp director was still around. She didn't recognize me at first but did remember me wearing the most bizarre thrift store t-shirts I could find. Anne invited me to walk around. I did so with the visitor's tag in my pocket just to see if anyone would ask who I was. Ann used to always send people through camp just to see if anyone would stop us. No one ever did.

I continued back down 68 to West Liberty where I grabbed some lunch. I sat sucking on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freeze...actually, it's now called Good Eats 'n' Treats, and I had a burger. Also, I sat in the enclosed porch, but it still took me way back.

Before fifth grade, my family lived two houses down from the then-Tastee Freeze. Every time I saved up three quarters, I cooled myself off with a chocolate shake. Of course, that later changed to a root beer float, then a vanilla shake, before my longtime favorite: the chocolate/marshmallow shake with chocolate ice cream, not chocolate sauce.

While in the TF, I noticed brochures for the Ohio Caverns. I then knew where my next path would lead...















The Ohio Caverns may not be the largest caverns in the world, but they are colorful and boast some the of the largest "perfect" formations in the US. I hadn't been there since I was a kid. Like most things, it's not nearly as magnificent as when you were twenty or so years younger, but it was a nice tour nonetheless.

My day of tourism inspired me to do some of the same the following day, my last in Columbus for a while.

To be continued (again)...

I-O

As noted before, I returned to Ohio to visit my parents and to help celebrate my mom's retirement from public schools.

I did very little at first. If this was going to be my one vacation for the next six months, I was going to relax. Mom and Dad took me out to lunch right away to Rothschild's just outside Urbana (in Champaign County oddly enough). My bar-b-q chicken wrap was decent. The "kettle chips" were not "kettle chips". I was able to sip on an excellent brew from the fine Great Lakes Brewing Company out of Cleveland. The Dortmunder Gold Lager proves my theory that lagers can be good...if they are not "American style" like Budweiser for instance.

The lunch wasn't even the most remarkable thing about our trip through the country. Apparently, it is in vogue in west-central Ohio to place a rather large star on one's house. I don't know if it's patriotism (unless the star is painted red-white-blue all over) or religious or country-kitsch, I just know that it looks odd. These giant 32-inch bronze bar stars (as Lowe's calls them) were on nearly every house we passed. I wonder if someone bought their bronze barn star in order to identify their house for guests. Then all their neighbors followed suit creating confusion for all involved.

The strange thing was that some of the stars were painted to represent the American flag. I figure that it's only a matter of time before people start to put up stars decorated to represent the current holiday season. There will be orange stars with black triangles like a jack-o-lantern for Halloween, green and red stars for Christmas, and the image of a resurrected Jesus for Easter. The bronze barn star is this year's cement goose.

Moving on...

Much of the weekend was spent reminding myself how old I am.

The first instance of this was when I accompanied my folks to Staples in search of a printer for my mom. After looking at office furniture for myself, I was surprised to find two of my former students were working at this particular Staples. Now, I've had former students graduate, but this time I saw them in the flesh. Both girls were just stretched out versions of their fifth grade selves. One was even married. It was fun to see them, and I'm glad they're doing well.

The second instance of my coming to terms with my rapidly advancing age was a high school graduation party for a daughter of a woman who used to work with my mom. I don't really know the girl, except that I changed her diaper while babysitting in high school. (This was a fact I chose not to share with her so as not to creep her out.) Her brother was a kid I babysat for on numerous occasions. Now the kid is bigger than me and working on political campaigns. I remember him puking grape juice all over me on the way to Gettysburg once. When did I get so old?

During the days at home last weekend, I sorted through old papers, pictures, and childhood collections. I discovered I had some excellent baseball cards, even a Barry Bonds rookie. Baseball cards were big business when I was collecting them, but their value has really dropped off. All the money and time I spent on that stupid collection I thought would pay off someday is hardly worth posting on eBay now. Oh well. My comic books aren't worth much more. There's no market for GI Joe comics. Who would've guessed?

That was my weekend. I spent the time reminiscing and re-discovering where I came from. However, I was not done. I still hadn't taken in all that is West Liberty. There was still some tourism to be done.

To be continued...

O - H

While R discovers the wonders of Chile and Argentina, I have returned to Ohio for an overdue visit.

Of course, no trip to the Buckeye state would be complete without an Ohio team losing a championship game. LeBron forgot to board the plane to San Antonio as the Spurs put a whooping on the Cavaliers. It's okay, because I suspect that King James will adjust in time for his return to Cleveland...or not.

My sister took me to the (in)famous Surly Girl my first night in town. It's a bar/restaurant run by the same folks that brought you Betty's. This place had opened shortly after we left Columbus. All that I had heard was how hard it was to get in...this was two years ago. We walked right in Thursday evening and downed several pints of Oberon (with the required orange slice) and the same nachos served down the street at Betty's. Our friend J stopped by despite his dissertation defense scheduled for the following day.

(Most of our conversation revolved around the transgendered community and their use of "T" to enhance the transformation, oddly enough. I'm sure we were not sober enough to make any arguments for or against this practice, but I'm sure it entertained those around us.)

The next morning came too soon as my sister had to send me out while she went to work. So, I decided to eat at the best breakfast place in town, North Star. The only difference was that I checked out the new Clintonville location, instead of the Short North original. I had forgotten how good their coffee and breakfast burrito were. All the coffee is fair trade and rich in flavor, oh, and the cups are bottomless. The burrito provided my breakfast for two days. The combination of organic/free-range eggs, salsa, and sausage fills you up for the day. If only there were a North Star in COMO...

I made my way to some old haunts, particularly Used Kids to pick up the latest release by Columbus-ites and new Matador signees, Times New Viking. I described their previous effort to my sister as sounding like Bob Pollard farting through a pillow into a tape recorder while screaming. But trust me, the songs are good once you get past the production. (It's that whole Siltbreeze thang.) The recording of their current release, The Paisley Reich, is another great collection of shrieks and hollers from the attached two-car garage at your favorite split-level arthouse. I really can't wait until Matador shells out the big bucks for a decent recording studio and big-name producer. (I'm hoping for Steve Albini.) Until then, I'll suffer through their first two crap-fests.

Before leaving town, I thought that I'd pick up a hoodie from American Apparel, but hipsters don't shop before eleven, apparently.

I did, however, pick up my two favorite beers in the world before heading home. Bell's Oberon signifies that summer may begin. The previous night's consumption was not enough. I can get Bell's in COMO, but I can't get Columbus Pale Ale. This is by far my favorite brand of my favorite style of beer. It would be a good visit with these beers in my folks' 'fridge.

To be continued...