Contemplating Kenny Chesney's Gayness

As "Androgynous" by the Replacements plays on my iTunes, I am contemplating the gayness of one Kenny Chesney. With his presence in COMO this weekend, it got me thinking how his perceived gayness plays to the masses. Now I am not going to propose that Mr. Chesney is a homo, but one has to wonder.

I was first exposed to the gayness of Kenny's on-stage persona New Year's Eve 2000. As the apocalypse ticked closer, my friends and I were flipping through stations until we landed on concert footage of the country music heartthrob. (If Chesney had made out with an unsuspecting Larry the Cable Guy-type, I'm sure the end would have come.) Now, keep in mind, this was before the Fab 5 of Queer Eye showed "straight" men everywhere how to dress in form-fitting pants that, as one of my colleagues pointed out, make it clear which religion they are. Chesney was decked out in tight jeans and a tighter sleeveless t-shirt while leaning against his similarly dressed guitarist. I could see this video being played in every Brokeback bar from here to Texas (beers, steers, and queers).

I know that clothes (and rubbing up against your guitarist) don't make a man gay, but you have to wonder who he's performing for. I think it's great that gay men (especially cowboy boot and Stetson-wearing bears) have a role model or at least sex symbol to look to for inspiration.

I Googled "Kenny Chesney gay" this morning to see if it was just my warped, gay-centric perception or there really are rumors out there. After reading that the cornerstone of journalistic integrity, Fox News, proclaimed that Kenny Chesney is not gay, I nearly quit looking. However, curiosity got the best of me, and I continued to search for the truth. What I found was that Chesney's ex, Renee Zellweger, filed for divorce after four months of marriage due to fraud. Fraud. Whatever could one be fraudulent over in marriage? Hmmm...

On top of that, Chesney's crack team of media relations experts advised him to flatly deny his homoerotic tendencies. And, as we all know, denial of homosexuality always means straight. They even dug-up a flight attendant by the name of Paula Jackson who claimed to have a 10-year relationship with the country music sensation and assured the press that Kenny was not gay.

Why try so hardto prove that you're not gay? Is Kenny a big fan of the infamous Hardaway crossover? Will his legions of beer-guzzling male fans quit buying his cd's? (Or will women continue to flock in droves with their BBFF's - Best Bear Friends Forever - in tow?)

Do I secretly wish Kenny Chesney were gay? I don't secretly wish he were gay. I'll openly admit it. I also wish Kordell Stewart was the first openly gay NFL player - while still in the league. I wish that Tim Hardaway's former teammate Chris Mullins were his gay lover. (Would Mitch Richmond join them occasionally?) I wish that Eminem, George Bush (Sr.), and Bruce Willis would all come out of the closet.

Why do I care? I care because this country needs a swift kick to their straight-but-narrow asses. People will never get over the stigma of the gay until someone they view as masculine, a leader, someone they respect comes out of the closet and is unapologetic about it. It's time for a gay revolution! And maybe, just maybe, Kenny Chesney could the vehicle of change. (Try not to laugh too hard.)

*Disclaimer: In no way do I propose that Kenny Chesney, Larry the Cable Guy, Renee Zelweger, Tim Hardaway, Chris Mullins, Kordell Stewart, Eminem, George Bush, Bruce Willis, or any member of the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy are gay. But would it be so bad?