What's so great about Ohio?

Lately, I have been taking a lot of crap for picking on Columbia and Missouri at large. Apparently referring to the state as "misery" is too much for some people, even though it's just a pun I discovered when I was in fifth grade. If a fifth grader can catch the subtle humor, shouldn't adults be able to do the same? I'm not actually a miserable curmudgeon. I just play one on the blogosphere.

It's fine that people want to defend their home. They want to raise and wave those flags of two grizzly bears holding up the Bible belt with the immortal words of "united we stand/divided we fall" and holler "M-I-Z" to all their fellow Missourians. But now I must defend my home.

My problem centers around blog-haters equating or berating my home state of Ohio in comparison to Misery. Although to New Yorkers and Californians, everything in between is just the Midwest, there are clear differences between the two states in question. Additionally, Ohio is actually worth missing. Sure, I complained about wanting to leave the state in which I lived for 30 years, but it was my home and deserves some respect.

Before moving to COMO, I lived off and on in Columbus, OH for twelve years. Columbus is not only Ohio's state capital, but it is also the state's largest city. Yes, it is larger than both Cleveland and Cincinnati. It is home to one of the nation's largest state institutions in The Ohio State University. There are about as many students, staff, and faculty as there are people in COMO. Actually, more people sit in Ohio Stadium on football Saturdays than live in COMO. In other words, Columbus is actually a major city.

Of course, size isn't everything. Columbus has plenty to offer. There is a chain of independent movie theaters known as The Drexel, plus The Wexner Center for the Arts features indie films, world-renowned art exhibits, and the best in indie rock. The music scene is also solid with bands such as Times New Viking, Sinkane, Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, The Sun, The New Bomb Turks, and many others having packed or still packing Columbus clubs on a nightly basis.

The city also boasts the country's largest non-corporate-sponsored community festival, aka Commfest. The festival features several stages, artists, merchants, restaurants, and plenty of my favorite Columbus Pale Ale. It also coincides with a sizable Pride weekend thanks to the city's very large and very visible LGBT community.

Besides the many entertainment choices, Columbus has a tremendous selection of restaurants of varying cuisines. I have had Indian, Chinese, sushi, Korean, and Ethiopian dishes that would rival restaurants anywhere. Additionally, there are many comfort food choices with Barley's, Thurman's, and Old Bag of Nails leading the pack. One of the most sophisticated and delicious vegan eateries is located at Dragonfly while a hearty vegetarian breakfast can be had at Whole World Cafe or the soups at Benevolence are unbelievably animal-product free. I haven't even mentioned maybe the two best places to eat in all of Columbus: North Star Cafe and Jenni's Ice Cream. North Star makes the best breakfast burrito anywhere (really) and plenty of other great dishes made from locally-farmed products. Jenni's features ice creams made with extra heavy creams and ingredients such as cayenne, Thai chili, local honey, various fruits, wine, etc. That's a lot of food to miss. (My stomach is grumbling as I write this.)

Of course, Ohio is not just limited to Columbus. Cleveland offers several professional sports teams, ethnic neighborhoods, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, and plenty of great music venues. Cincinnati has the Underground Railroad Museum and all the history its location on the Ohio River provides. Dayton, the hole that it is, has birthed two of the greatest bands from the nineties indie movement in The Breeders and Guided by Voices as well as Brainiac and Swearing at Motorists. Cedar Point is regularly recognized as the best amusement park in the country from its perch overlooking Lake Erie.

I'm not saying that Ohio is the greatest state in the union, but it's not the backwoods hell hole so many assume it to be. There are good reasons for me to miss my home and to compare it favorably to the state in which I now live. I doubt that will ever change.

You can try all you want to convince me that Misery ain't so bad, but don't trash Ohio in the process.

Miz-who?

I have now officially had enough of the Misery Tigers. Where should I begin?

First of all, the Tigers celebrated Saturday's victory over Kansas in a similar fashion to how most teams celebrate winning a national championship. Sure, they beat an undefeated team in a rivalry game for a championship, but that's only half the story.

The undefeated Jayhawk team didn't play anyone worth mentioning all season and are much more well-known for their basketball team, not football. (Of course, the same could have been said about MU...when they had a decent basketball program.) Was it really that impressive to beat the Kansas Jayhawks? Maybe on the hardwood, but not on the gridiron.

The rivalry itself is a problem. The Border War, as it is more commonly known, began when vigilantes from Misery wreaked havoc throughout Kansas. For what reason? Surely these patriots only had the best of intentions and were most likely upholding the very principles for which our great nation was founded: slavery. Yes. That's right. Misery's part in the Border War was as pro-slavery agressors. Now that's a proud heritage.

Besides the many holes in the opponent and rivalry, Misery's win wasn't even that significant. They didn't win the national championship, a chance at the national championship, or even the Big 12. The only thing that the Tigers won on Saturday was the Big 12 North, or the South's little brother. Someone needed to let the Tigers know that they have a little team called Oklahoma to play this coming Saturday. Go Sooners! (More on that later.)

These are not the only problems I have with Mizzou's football success. There was a sign at Saturday's game theat read "Kansas Football: a tradition since September". That same sign could apply to Misery. After this week, the Tigers will have spent two weeks at #1...all time. Compare this to...oh, I don't know...let's say Ohio State. The Buckeyes spent more weeks than that just this season and spent all of last season at #1. Heck, they've won national championships seven times. Mizzou is this year's Rutgers, Boise State, or _______________ (insert flash-in-the-pan team here).

This success will be short-lived, though. The coverboy for the current Sports Illustrated is none other than Misery quarterback, Chase Daniel. While to naive Mizzou fans this might seem like a great thing, those of us more familiar with sporting lore understand that this is a bad omen. There is a little thing called the Sports Illustrated jinx. The jinx basically means that once an athlete or a team is featured on the SI cover, something bad happens like a loss or career-ending injury. Good luck with that one, Chase.

The biggest reason I'm over Mizzou-mania is that the Tigers are the lone barrier between Ohio State and a return trip to the national championship game. If the Oklahoma Sooners win Saturday in the Big 12 championship (which they're favored to do), then The Ohio State University Buckeyes will get their shot at redemption despite the team being one year away from true national championship contention. So, this weekend I'm an OU fan. Go Sooners!

The Miserable State of COMO's Music Scene

It's taken me quite a while to figure out the music scene in COMO, but I'm coming around. I honestly haven't sought out much of the scene or its scenesters. However, by attending shows somewhat regularly, I have encountered most of the major players.

Now, I've only been intimately involved in scene prior to moving here. I lived in Columbus, OH off and on from 1993 through 2005 when this young man headed west. So, I'll attempt to compare the two scenes I know best.

There are some basic things COMO-ians (still working this out) and former residents should know about Columbus. C-bus is the capital of Ohio and its largest city. It's located directly in the center of the state where I-70 and I-71 (connecting it to Cleveland and Cincinnati) cross. The Ohio State University is located there. The University is home to enough students, faculty, and staff that number somewhere in the low six figures. In fact, on football Saturdays, there are more people in Ohio Stadium than there in all of COMO. The city radiates from one primary street that runs north-south, High Street. There's more, but I want to get back to the music scene.

I have considered that the size of these two locales dictates that C-bus will just have more of everything, but quality can still overcome quantity. For example, C-bus may have a longer bike trail, but COMO's trails easily outdo my former home.

Record Stores
Every music scene revolves around its record stores. Although these institutions are going the way of the dinosaur, they are still important hang-outs where rock stars find inspiration and the scenesters congregate in the daytime.

COMO has about three stores worth mentioning. Slackers is not only the place to satisfy all your new/used media needs, but king bloggers of the scene actually work there (more on this later). Streetside is the sell-out of the lot. Founded here in COMO, the store offers the typical college town fair. I actually shop here, since they usually have the new stuff that Slackers failed to order. Part of the lore of Streetside is that the boys from White Rabbits used to work there. The other connection to the local scene for Streetside is its founder, Kevin. Kevin left his old store once he grew tired of the corporate BS. Now, he "operates" Kevin's World, an art space/hang-out/record store that's located downtown.

Columbus has COMO beat in both quality and quantity as far as record stores are concerned. There's Magnolia Thunderpussy where Ron House taught Bob freakin' Pollard about bands like Wire and the Fall. After a fire, the store moved down High Street to the revitalized Short North where they have a great indie and used selection with some vinyl. It's very similar to Slackers, but you don't have to ask for the CD behind the counter. In fact, you hardly have to do that anywhere in C-bus. Then, there's Johnny Go's House O' Music which is owned by C-bus's most hated rock critic, John Petric.

Finally, there's Used Kids. Drunk scenesters run this joint that only improved after they moved (also due to a fire). If this were the only record store in C-bus, that would be enough for me. I have been to record stores all over the country (and some places in Europe) and this is the best. There's an impressive collection of new and used vinyl and CD's, not to mention the rude/informative staff.

Venues
This might be the most unfair category in which to judge these two scenes. The small dives are virtually even in both towns. COMO has The Blue Fugue, Eastside Tavern, and Mojo's. These tiny clubs could be found near any college campus and get a somewhat steady list of bands throughout the year. Columbus has Bernie's, Rivari Room, and many, many more, but none any better than COMO's small venues. This is a tie.

Columbus is going to have more and better larger venues due to the size of the city, but I will compare anyway. Lifestyles Communities Pavilion has a stupid-ass name, but its stage can open up to an indoor concert hall or outdoor venue. COMO has nothing like this, except when they try to put on shows downtown on collapsible stages. Columbus has two arenas to COMO's one, and Ohio Stadium (as mentioned before) seats almost twice as many as Faurot Field. I actually like Jesse Auditorium more than Ohio Theater or Vets Memorial in Columbus, but none of these compare to the Wexner Center for the Arts (and its Mershon Auditorium). The Wex (as people like to call it) feature the best in modern art and film as well as those bands that don't normally come to medium-sized, mid-western cities. Like the store comparison, this one venue ends the competition but not the comparisons.

The two venues that most closely resemble each other are COMO's Blue Note and Columbus' Newport. The Blue Note is actually a pint-sized version of the Newport. Both venues get similar acts with the Note's roster more on the indie side. The Newport is reportedly the country's longest running rock venue. Both venues have awful sound systems.


Events
Neither town has a ton of special events that highlight their music scenes, but they both have pretty significant festivals that feature a ton of great music. Columbus has Comfest which is the nation's largest independent festival. Goodale park is overtaken by 3-4 stages, tens of thousands of people, and a lot of Columbus Pale Ale for a weekend in June. Columbia's big weekend happens either at the end of February or the beginning of March. The True/False festival is documentary film festival that takes over downtown and features some great independent bands. These two events have very little in common, but they are probably the best weekends in either town. One of these years I'm going to attend both. Maybe in 2008?

Bands
This is what any thriving music scene is about. Bands make or break any scene. A healthy music scene can put on and support a number of shows featuring local talent any night of the week. While neither scene has birthed any bands with significant mainstream success, there can be some comparisons.

COMO's current list of bands have received some nice attention. Bald Eagle's take on ironic, Queens of the Stone Age-type metal has locals rocking out and picking up their current release, Hot Shoulders. They're a little silly for my tastes, but they are a respectable band nonetheless. Foundry Field Recordings have received quite a bit of positive, national press, but I'm not buying it. They sounded to me opening for Spoon last week like a boring version of Deathcab for Cutie, if that's even possible. Actually, the best COMO band I've come across doesn't even reside here anymore: White Rabbits. This band moved on to greener pastures in Brooklyn and have seen some great success. Sure, they sound like they're from Brooklyn, but they have roots in Misery.

I'm two years removed from the Columbus scene, but I lived there long enough to know the major players. Over the years, many bands have created major buzz, some even signing with major labels. Scrawl, New Bomb Turks, Gaunt, Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, and the Sun are just a few of the bands that have earned major label interest. Currently, the scene in central Ohio is highlighted by longtime club regulars Earwig and new Matador signee Times New Viking. In addition, there are three or four bands for every Bald Eagles or Foundry Field Recordings in Columbus. The scene is busy.

Obviously, Columbus has the superior scene. This may be mostly due to its size, but there are several scenes in college towns the size of COMO that can boast more significant musical movements. I hate to come down so hard on my current home, but I just want it to improve.

For more information on either scene, go to COMO's Bathysphere and Columbus' Done Waiting.