Jock Straps, etc.

I haven't blogged about jock straps in a while. However, with March Madness upon us as well as several other sporting events, I thought I'd share a few thoughts.

Like I said, the NCAA tourney starts tomorrow (or yesterday as some claim). The first two rounds of this tournament is the best weekend of the year. This is when all those unknown teams like Davidson, St. Mary's, and Drake get their time in the spotlight. The big upsets happen this weekend before the big boys take over in the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 rounds.

This week also marks the time when it's suddenly OK for everyone to gamble by joining their office pools and deciding which 18 and 19 year olds to bet on in order to win themselves fifty bucks and bragging rights for a year. I still play in the one from my old school in Ohio. Thankfully for the internets and this guy I am able to fork over five dollars a bracket for a chance at immortality.

I've actually won a couple of pools over the years. So, I know a thing or two about this 65-team, three-week-long tournament. Plus, I have a blog and a readership. Below are my tips for this year's bracket.
Never pick all #1's. I usually don't pick more than two. The top teams are easy targets and always get caught looking ahead to their next opponent. Besides, it's easy to pick the best teams. Take a risk and choose George Mason this time around.

The odd thing this year is that all the #1's are good enough to make it to the Final 4. For the first time in as long as I can remember filling out brackets, I'm actually picking three of the four to make it to the semis. The top teams are just that much better than everyone else this year...except for Memphis, whom I have losing to Pitt in the Sweet 16.

I'm actually testing this theory this year by submitting a bracket where I picked based on seeds and had UNC (the #1 overall seed) over UCLA in the final game. We'll see how that goes.

Always pick a #12 over a #5 in the first round. This is a tricky one because three of the four #5's will almost always win their first game. The idea is to pick the one game that ends in an upset. It looks like this year it will be the Drake/Western Kentucky game. Both teams are evenly matched, and Drake overachieved. That's the game to choose the #12 Western Kentucky Hilltoppers in the minor upset.

Don't go too crazy with the upsets. This is where people really get into trouble. They either pick too many upsets in the first round or they pick an 11 seed to make it to the Final 4. First of all, don't pick more than ten lower-seeded teams in the first round...and that includes 8/9 toss-up games. This year, I picked nine lower seeds in the first round.

Secondly, always cover your upsets. It's fine to believe that Siena will beat Vanderbilt, but don't honestly believe that the Saints will also beat Clemson, Kansas, and Georgetown on their way to an improbable Final 4 appearance. I think Siena will upset Vanderbilt, but I'm covering my ass by picking Clemson in the next round to end their season.

If you do pick a Cinderella, pick a tested squad from a power conference with good match-ups and some hometown cooking. I considered this on both of my picks of lower seeds to go on runs to the second weekend. Look for South Alabama to make a run through an even match-up with Butler and a defense-impaired Tennessee team while playing in their home state. They may not come from a great conference, but they do have the firepower and home court advantage.
The other team to watch is Arizona who played a tough non-conference schedule before taking on the brutal PAC 10. They are more talented than their first-round opponent, West Virginia, and are pretty evenly matched versus Duke. I like to pick the lower seed when the teams are even; they've got more to prove. They the Wildcats would get their shot at Xavier in Phoenix for the Sweet 16. The last time Xavier traveled to Arizona, they were crushed by 22 at Arizona State.

Don't pick #1 seeds with obvious weaknesses. North Carolina and Memphis fit this description well. UNC doesn't play defense, and they never have under Roy Williams (who used to choke with his KU teams every year). The Tar Heels may have an easy route, playing their first four games in North Carolina, but the fifth game is when they'll meet the one team with just as much firepower: Kansas.

Memphis is terrible at the free-throw line and they were pushed around by a finesse team like Tennessee earlier in the season. Those two weaknesses will cause major problems for the Tigers as they play the very tough, very steady Pittsburgh Panthers.

Go with the hot expert on ESPN. Joe Lunardi is known on ESPN as the "bracketologist" because he normally predicts like 97-98% of the tournament bracket correctly...and he's really HOT! I mean, just look at him. This year, he predicted 100%. I figure he has a good feel for the madness this year and so I read his picks. They all made sense to me. Just don't go with Bobby Knight. He seems a little nutty to me.

In the end, I have Kansas over UCLA with Texas and UNC as the other two Final Four teams.

Moving on to smellier jock straps...

Ohio State failed to make it back to the tournament in which they finished second last year. (I feel like I write/say that a lot in the last couple of years.) Of course, the team that beat them, Florida, also did not make the field. Both teams, along with a bunch of other mediocre teams are in the NIT tournament, also known as "the fight to be #66". The Buckeyes won game one by 18 and look to have a good shot at winning a championship for once.

Where's Mizzou? I thought this was a basketball school.

In other jock straps...The Boston Red Sox almost went on strike despite an opportunity to relive Lost in Translation. The Houston Rockets finally lost a game. So, we don't have to talk about them anymore. Now we can argue about which teams LeBron James will take out on his way to his first championship.

Oh, and one more thing...

I have had to take a lot of crap for my Ohio State teams finishing second. Of course, that means that only one team each season can hold bragging rights over the Buckeyes, but we'll forget about that for now.

We (meaning The Ohio State University) actually won something...or more appropriately, someone. The nation's #1 quarterback prospect snubbed his home-state university (Penn State), an ideal offensive scheme (Oregon), and the Buckeye's bitterest rival (Michigan) to come play for Jim Tressel in Columbus. That's right. Terrelle Pryor, the best QB prospect in many years, is going to be a Buckeye.

It's a small victory, but I think it's a sign of good things to come. Now, if I could just win this damn pool.

Where Do Hipsters Go to Die?

After my night of rockin' with the COMO Hipsterocracy and reading this article about indie rockers populating Hipster-mecca Portland, I have been contemplating where hipsters go to retire, or, more likely to die.

In the early aughts, many hipsters descended upon once-ignored Brooklyn due to its "affordable" rent and cool music scene. Those who did not leave their liberal arts colleges for NYC made treks to Seattle (post-grunge), Chicago, and San Francisco. Some have stayed in their college towns. Wherever they have landed, hipsters have inadvertently caused great gentrification by flipping ghettos into the affordable, artsy, indie rock centers of the urban universe. They have made it possible for gay men to gut and reconstruct dilapidated Victorian homes without fearing that poor people will dirty them or gay bash.

Now, hipsters everywhere are aging. Not since the Boomers' threat of mass retirement has this country had to deal with such a retirement crisis. Where will these hipsters go? Will there be art house theaters, indie rock clubs, and soy chai lattes? Can they supplement their income as greeters for your local art gallery or record store?

The reason I wonder about this is that I am somewhat of an aging hipster. I frequent the same clubs as the Hipsterocracy. I was at the last US Pavement show and the first Village Voice Siren Festival (Can you see my sister and me in the picture?). I've built my own Readymade meat cart bed. I own an American Apparel hoody and retro Pumas. Now, I am over 30, and that's over-the-hill in hipster years. Retirement and death are real concerns for me.

The next step is probably parenthood which will cause me change my lifestyle drastically. If we lived in Brooklyn (which we obviously do not), we'd prepare to move to...I don't know...a quaint, Midwestern college town, ideal for raising families. I'll have to navigate one of those SUV-size strollers through a crowd of younger hipsters in clubs and at festivals. I'll read blogs like Zooglobble for all the latest in indie kid pop. My hipster years are numbered.

So, when I go out to a rock show or check out the latest Jim Jarmusch flick, I'll look at that hipster girl pouring my beer and think, "I bet she'll retire to Portland once her bar tending days are over and hang out with her neighbor, Stephen Malkmus." Or that hipster guy looking all aloof and wonder, "Does he have a 401k plan?"

Like everyone, hipsters will grow old. Instead of our kids complaining about old, burnt-out hippies (well, that will never go out of style), they will go on and on about the old fart at the record store with the really tight black jeans and ironic t-shirt.

So, maybe it's time to consider the end of the hipster era. I mean, irony is dead. Why not prepare for the next sub-culture. Maybe b-boys will make the comeback they have been threatening for the last decade. Whatever group takes the place of today's hipsters, let's just hope that there is a nice place for them (me) to retire...or die.

The Best of 2007...so far

With the half-way point of 2007 quickly approaching, I felt it necessary to declare the year's best...so far. Now I've done this already but will begin this post by rehashing and possibly revising some of my original thoughts.

The Shins' Wincing the Night Away is still easily in the year's top ten despite it not being in the same league as their two previous releases. It's a little on the boring, we're trying too hard end. However, it will take some really good albums to knock it off my list.

One tends to be way more critical of one's favorite bands with every release. I call this the Pavement Factor™. Pavement's earliest recordings were considered seminal works that eventually propelled indie rock to its current status. However, with each release, critics and fans (especially) would hate it and would unfavorably compare to their previous efforts - all classics. The funny thing is that all their long-players went through this process. Slanted and Enchanted was an obvious attempt to sell out after several low-fi gems released on 7" and tape in the late 80's/early 90's...That is until Crooked Rain Crooked Rain was released. That album sucked! Or at least through 1995 when Pavement came out with Wowee Zowee...You get the picture. Each album sucks until it is deemed "classic" mostly because the next album either stinks or is an effort to sell out. Pointless, really.

Some Loud Thunder by Clap your Hands Say Yeah is easily my favorite of 2007, well, until something better comes along. The overblown bass on the first track is annoying, and it did ruin a perfectly good song. However, the track does set a tone for the rest of the record's sound. The songs are nearly perfect in that Pavement sort of way of being perfectly imperfect. Since this album's release, I have barely spent any time listening to their self-titled debut, which I absolutely love. I can't wait until this band reschedules their COMO date (an issue that I will deal with later in this post).

Releases by Bright Eyes and Modest Mouse are as solid as any in their respective catalogs. Both of these albums did not disappoint. I fully expect to include both bands on my end-of-year list.

Many feel that the Arcade Fire's Neon Bible was a letdown. I disagree. Sure, it doesn't contain the same urgency or dramatics of the first album, but it is easily better than 99.9% of this year's releases. NB is dominated by an earnestness that made Funeral such a hit. The songs are in heavy rotation on my iTunes and CD player, because the songwriting and execution are so far beyond the majority of pop music. Again, here's another case of a great band suffering some bad reviews primarily due to solid early work.

I listen to Beirut's EP all the time, and I can't wait until they release their next long-player. My only hope is that they don't go the way of (French popsters) Air with crappy Euro-pop. (Although, I did like the Virgin Suicides soundtrack.) I'm expecting big things from Beirut based on Lon Gisland.




Feist has put out what may turn out to be everyone's album of the year with The Reminder. These songs have way more soul and depth than her previous releases. In addition, there's this dance-ability I didn't really catch in the last proper album. Highlights have included her first two singles (and videos), "My Moon My Man" and "1 2 3 4".

Kill Rock Stars released a collection of rare Elliott Smith tracks on New Moon. Sometimes these collections are all filler, but this double-disc release is worth the extra cash. The album is a testament to Smith's genius. It's too bad that he had to die so brutally and too soon.

The online media onslaught put on by Duluth, Minnesota's own Low convinced me to buy their latest, Drums and Guns. It seemed like Pitchfork was posting a new Low video every other day. Plus, front man Alan Sparhawk's Take Away Show was so honest - Midwestern honest in fact. I'm always slow to buying music by the originators of the so-called slow-core movement. Their collection of Christmas songs was what originally got me hooked on their sound. This new album does not disappoint with it's use of hand-claps and organ drones throughout.

I did pick up the White Stripes' Icky Thump (almost typed Icky Mettle there) and have only listened once through. It's okay. The record does seem to return to their original sound, but it lacks some of the great singles their albums have been known for. The jury's still out on this one. I'll wait to declare this verdict.

Other half-year mentions...

• Feist's video for "1 2 3 4" is absolutely my favorite video in a long, long time. It effortlessly combines the cheekiness of those dancing Gap ads with the uncomfortable, hipster eroticism of American Apparel ads. That and it's fun.
• Clap Your Hands Say Yeah provided me with the biggest disappointment of the year...so far. They canceled their jaunt through Misery...maybe they've been reading my blog. (A close second in this category was Wilco's lame-ass party album, but I saw this coming. Just go to a Wilco show...damn Phish fans with nothing better to do than to follow alt-country's best answer to Sonic Youth around until they turn into the new Dead.)
  
• Still looking forward to some possible releases from Stephen Malkmus, Times New Viking (on Matador!), Tokyo Police Club (on Saddle Creek!), and Iron & Wine.
• I've recently seen two great rockumentaries, Danielson: A Family Movie or Make a Joyful Noise Here and LoudQUIETLOUD: A Film About the Pixies. Danielson documents the off-beat rise to "fame" of indie Christian troubadour, Danielson and his many friends and family (including Sufjan Stevens). The Pixies flick follows the band during their (first) reunion tour while briefly telling each band member's story since the death of the Pixies. You'll wonder, "Man, are they fat and bald or what!"
  
• Matador still has not announced the ultimate reunion tour...Pavement and Guided By Voices will put on a show you won't want to miss! Until then, I look for Matador to re-issue Brighten the Corners and to stick another GBV record on their bargain list.
• Camera Obscura surprised me this past winter with the best show I've seen in '07.
  

That's all I've got for now.

Miserable Predictions for 2007

Here are my miserable predictions for 2007...

1. Sufjan Stevens will release four albums this year in order to keep up with the demand for more records about states. However, two of those albums will just be out-takes and b-sides collections of the other two. "Why-oming" will chronicle the history of the "Equality State" (It's true; look it up!) and Jesus. The highlight of the release will be a haunt-y acoustic ballad about Matthew Shepherd entitled "Fence Posts and the Many Reasons God Loves (Not Hates) Fags". The second state to receive treatment will be New Jersey. The most played track will be "Sister New Jersey Stares Across the Water at Her Big Brother New York and All that It Has to Offer With Its Fancy Clubs and Yankees".

2. As promised, Beirut will release an album of French pop songs that will cause Pitchfork to either A) proclaim Beirut the next Air but cooler 'cause they're from Brooklyn, or B) crash and burn Beirut's bandwagon for a new Ghostface Killa single.

3. On the Conan O'Brien Show, Yoko Ono has to perform solo when Chan Marshall falls off the wagon and the stage. Conan makes a joke.

4. Pavement re-release Brighten the Corners. (Note: Last year I accurately predicted that Pavement would re-release Wowee Zowee. Of course I was only kidding, but now I'm not.)

5. Columbia's documentary film festival known as True/False will triple the current population of Columbia. The result will be that no Columbia natives get in to see a film...aside from some screening of the much anticipated pairing of Ken Burns and Werner Herzog. Their documentary, Gay as the Seventh Inning Stretch, will chronicle the careers of gay baseball legends such as Roger Maris, Lee Smith, and Babe Ruth. Belle and Sebastian will handle the soundtrack. A special appearance will be made by gay baseball legend Mike Piazza.

6. The new iPod Gigantor will be released in time for Christmas. The Gigantor will hold an incredibly endless supply of memory as it beams your term papers, Sufjan Stevens' albums, wedding photos, episodes of the Office, etc. to the brains of third-world child-laborers working in Nike factories. The Bluetooth technology is actually inserted into the children's mouths where once-rotting teeth existed. Ironically, the Gigantor is the size of a nickel.