Ten Reasons I Won't Attend the Roots 'n Blues 'n BBQ Fest

One of the bigger events in COMO happens this weekend. The third annual Roots 'n Blues 'n BBQ Festival returns to downtown, AKA The District (of Columbia). It's a big deal. A lot of people come.

You should go and have a great time.

I'm not going. It's maybe five minutes away, but I'm not going. Here's why...

1. I have class.
Of course, I don't mean that I'm too classy for the Roots 'n Blues 'n BBQ Festival. This means that I have class through most of the day on Saturday. Classes meet on Fridays and Saturdays in my program. Mine meets this Saturday from 9am to 4pm.

2. Ohio State starts Big Ten play.
OSU may have lost to USC, but we still have a Big Ten title to claim. Actually, it would be their sixth straight conference title or share of a title. That's a big deal no matter what folks say about the Big Ten. I mean, no one in the Big Ten has lost to Toledo or almost lost to Bowling Green. No one in the conference has lost to a FCS (formerly division 1-AA) team. The Big Ten had at least one preseason top-25 team. (Actually, they had three and still have three in the polls.) A conference championship is still something and for the Big Ten champ it means a trip to a BCS bowl. So, Saturday's game versus Illinois is important.

3. There are too many 'n's.
Really? Three 'n's? Isn't that a bit much? What's wrong with and?

4. It's not free anymore.
The two main stages are no longer free. You can pay $10 for one day or $15 for both. Or there's the volunteer route that rewards you a day pass for a day of work. What that also means for those who want to casually check it out, the headliners are no longer available unless you fork over some money.

5. There are too many people.
I attended one evening the first year for the festival. I felt crushed by the crowds. It took me 45 minutes to move a half block. There's no room to walk and folks set up shop with lawn chairs or clogging the streets with monstrous strollers. It's not pleasant at all. Of course, maybe #4 will take care of this issue this year.

6. Blues is a dead genre.
I've used this argument before and I stand by it to this day. The blues ran their course. Even revivalists like the White Stripes and Black Keys have dabbled in other genres. Today's blues are bastardized versions of the originals. It's not appealing to me to see the same old musical form rehashed over and over...unless, of course, it's nineties indie rock. I can't get enough of that stuff.

7. Bad beer.
Sure, New Belgium is one of the sponsors, but even they have their bad beer. Coors Light and Miller Lite are also sponsors and I suspect will be more plentiful than NB's La Folie or even Hoptoberfest. I was able to gain access (thanks to friends) to a tent serving some rice-derived light beer. That sort of turned me off.

8. The lines are too long to get any BBQ.
I've never had any of the BBQ at this thing. The lines were too long, possibly in relation to #5, but they were still too long. I can get Jamaican BBQ whenever I want. Why wait two hours in line on my weekend?

9. White people dancing.
Let me qualify this one. I'm a white guy. I was once named best dancer in my senior class. I know of which I speak. I should never have set foot on a dance floor. If you are not this dude, don't dance this weekend. Please.

10. No Jon Spencer.
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion were once erroneously invited to play a blues festival. They're a rock band, but I would certainly welcome this to COMO. (Please reunite and tour with Pavement. Please.)

Like I said, go to the festival and enjoy yourself some roots 'n blues 'n 'n BBQ this weekend. Just don't expect me to be there.

Addendum: There is now an eleventh reason for me not to attend the festival. It seems one of the headliners will not be present. Read it here.