Thursday, August 06, 2009

College Football Haiku, Part Deux

In case you didn't know, college football season will be here in less than a month. To commemorate its triumphant return (as well as the return of cable TV to my home - DirecTV offers the Big Ten Network!!!), I will begin this season the same way I began last bowl season: with a Haiku for each game. Embedded in each of these poems is hopefully some insight into the teams' seasons and maybe a few predictions.

H/T Inside USC (I am hating myself for any props to a USC blog, but they are the baddest boys on the block...until the NCAA takes them down.)

All Times Eastern

Thursday, September 3

7:00 PM South Carolina at North Carolina State, ESPN
Really? Who cares? It's
Spurrier's game to lose with
Q.B. Garcia.

7:30 PM North Texas at Ball State, ESPNU
B.S.U. will have
to replace Davis, but should
whoop some Texas ass.

8:00 PM Eastern Kentucky at Indiana. Big Ten Network
I.U. can only
get better from '08 and
win their opener.

9:00 PM Utah State at Utah, the Mtn.
This will be closer
than some think, but Utah will
prevail in the end.

10:15 PM Oregon at Boise State, ESPN
This is my fav game
of opening night. The Ducks
winning a close one.

Friday, September 4
8:00 PM Tulsa at Tulane, ESPN
Tulsa will trounce the
the green wave with their potent
offensive attack.

Saturday, September 5

12:00 PM Towson at Northwestern, Big Ten Network
Count on nine wins for
the Wildcats if they're go-
ing to play Towson.

12:00 PM Montana State at Michigan State, Big Ten Network
No big things for the
Spartans this year, but they will
beat up on M.S.

12:00 PM Appalachian State at East Carolina, MASN
This will not be like
in the Big House two seasons
ago. Pirates big.

12:00 PM Minnesota at Syracuse, ESPN2
The Orange will go
down to the Gophers who won't
start 7 and oh.

12:00 PM Kentucky at Miami (OH), ESPNU
Kentucky will win,
but it's interesting that
the game's in Cincy.

12:00 PM Navy at Ohio State, ESPN
Buckeyes win it big.
It won't help them for the next
game v. U.S.C.

12:00 PM Akron at Penn State, Big Ten Network
P.S.U. wins big.
They will not win the Big Ten.
It's O.S.U.'s year.

12:00 PM Liberty at West Virginia, Big East Network
I hope W-
V.U. whoops Falwell's school bad.
They win the B.E.

12:00 PM Toledo at Purdue, Big Ten Network
We will find out just
how bad Purdue is or how
bad Toledo is.

12:05 PM Northern Iowa at Iowa, Big Ten Network
Iowa wins in
a shutout with their big D.
Could win conference.

12:21 PM Western Kentucky at Tennessee, SEC Network
Who cares? Kiffykins
will win by just two touchdowns
Prepping for six wins.

1:00 PM Jacksonville State at Georgia Tech, ESPN 360
Crazy engineers
rack up 400 yards on
the ground and win big.

2:00 PM Northeastern at Boston College, ESPN 360
If B.C. wins and
no one watches, does it count?
A.C.C. says yes.

3:30 PM San Jose State at USC, FSN
I thought U.S.C.
only schedules B.C-
S. foes to destroy.

3:30 PM Nevada at Notre Dame, NBC
Notre Dame will eek
out a win here on their way
to seven and six.

3:30 PM Western Michigan at Michigan, ABC or ESPN2
RichRod better win
this one or he won't see the
Buckeyes at the end.

3:30 PM Baylor at Wake Forest, ABC
This might just be the
best matchup of the weekend.
I'm pulling for B.

3:30 PM Georgia at Oklahoma State, ABC
Georgia will get their
asses handed to them by
Gundy who's a man.

3:30 PM Jackson State at Mississippi State, ESPNU
Mississippi State
is the Indiana of
the S.E.C. conf.

3:40 PM Missouri vs. Illinois at St. Louis, Mo., ESPN
Illini gets re-
venge on Mizzou for two years
of thumpings to them.

6:00 PM Citadel at North Carolina, ESPN 360
Why does Citadel
put themselves in this kind of
situation, huh?

6:00 PM Middle Tennessee State at Clemson, ESPN 360
M.T.S. loses
to Dabo and his Tigers.
Clemson is sleeper.

6:00 PM William & Mary at Virginia, ESPN 360
Virginia needs a
win to start its year because
there won't be many.

7:00 PM Louisiana Tech at Auburn, ESPNU
The Chizik era
begins on the plains with a
mediocre win.

7:00 PM Charleston Southern at Florida, FSN
Florida starts its
march to the M.N.C. with
a win over Bucs.

7:00 PM Connecticut at Ohio, ESPN 360
Solich has a trick
or two when UConn enters
Athens just to lose.

7:00 PM Florida Atlantic at Nebraska, FSN PPV
Who would pay to view
this game? I will not watch the
Huskers dominate.

7:00 PM Louisiana-Monore at Texas FSN PPV
Texas will see Flor-
ida in the M.N.C.
but won't look past this.

7:00 PM Wofford at South Florida, Bright House Network
South Florida will
disappoint yet again this
year but win first game.

7:00 PM Brigham Young vs. Oklahoma at Arlington, Tex., ESPN
Oklahoma may
have their hands full but should pull
away by the end.

7:00 PM Northern Illinois at Wisconsin, Big Ten Network
Bielema might be
in trouble if he drops this
game to a MAC opp.

7:00 PM Northern Colorado at Kansas, Fox College Sports Central
Reesing takes a break
from cougars
for a game he'll
roll up big yardage.

7:30 PM Western Carolina at Vanderbilt, CSS
Vandy may win 8.
If so, they have to win this
one 'cause hard road 'head.

8:00 PM Alabama vs. Virginia Tech*, ABC
OK, so this is
maybe the best game of the
week. Roll Tide by three.

8:00 PM Idaho at New Mexico State, Altitude
Do I have to write
a haiku for this lame game?
'No' you say? Well, thanks.

9:00 PM Central Michigan at Arizona, AWSN
The Tebow of the
could surprise, but I doubt it.
Wildcats fourteen.

9:00 PM Buffalo at UTEP, CBS College Sports
The black coach your school
should have hired
starts the year
with a win on road.

10:00 PM Maryland at California, ESPN2
This one could be in-
teresting maybe a
quarter. Bears win big.

10:30 PM LSU at Washington, ESPN
Why does Washington
always schedule presea-
son losses at home?

Sunday, September 6

3:30 PM Mississippi at Memphis, ESPN
Ole Miss will get it
done this year in the S.E.
C. and in this game.

7:00 PM Colorado State at Colorado, FSN
Ooh, a rivalry
game this early can be fun.
Buffs win by 20.

Monday, September 7

4:00 PM Cincinnati at Rutgers, ESPN 8:00 PM Miami (FL) at Florida State, ESPN
Are you ready for
some football? Monday night foo...
Nope. Not the Big Least.

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