Saturday, December 13, 2008

Bowl Season Haiku


Some can only write ten words for each bowl game. Well, I am answering that challenge with a haiku for each bowl game just to prove that the college football bowl system is stupid, like ancient Japanese poetry.

EagleBank Bowl: Wake Forest vs. Navy, Washington, D.C. RFK Stadium Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN

Can Demon Deacons
stop sailors who feel better
running on the land?

New Mexico Bowl: Colorado State vs. Fresno State, Albuquerque University Stadium Dec. 20, 2:30 p.m. ESPN

The old Fresno coach
takes on a newbie who has
led the Rams to six.

St. Petersburg Bowl! Memphis vs. South Florida, St. Petersburg. Fla, Tropicana Field, Dec. 20, 4:30 p.m. ESPN2

Playing Memphis will
insure the Bulls won't finish
just like last season.

Pioneer Las Vegas, BYU vs. Arizona, Las Vegas, Sam Boyd Stadium, Dec. 20, 8 p.m. ESPN

Didn't BYU
win the Pac-Ten this season?
Cougs will trounce the Cats.

R+L Carriers New Orleans, Southern Miss vs. Troy, New Orleans Superdome, Dec. 21, 8:15 p.m. ESPN
Southern Miss had to
win four-in-a-row just to
get a shot at Troy.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, Boise State vs. TCU, San Diego Qualcomm Stadium, Dec. 23, 8 p.m. ESPN

The undefeated
Boise State will lose to the
solid TCU.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl, Hawaii vs. Notre Dame, Honolulu, Aloha Stadium Dec. 24, 8 p.m. ESPN

ND continues
their slow decline with a loss
to Hawaii U.

Motor City Bowl, Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan, Detroit Ford Field, Dec. 26, 8 p.m. ESPN


FAU is in
for a surprise from the Te-
bow of CMU.

Meineke Car Care Bowl, West Virginia vs. North Carolina, Charlotte, N.C. Bank of America Stadium, Dec. 27, 1 p.m. ESPN

Stewart will blow this
game versus Davis and his
resurgent Tar Heels.

Champs Sports Bowl, Wisconsin vs. Florida State, Orlando, Fla. Florida Citrus Bowl Dec. 27, 4:30 p.m. ESPN

Two programs going
in opposite directions.
Sems to beat Badgers.

Emerald Bowl, Miami (Fla.) vs. California, San Francisco AT&T Park, Dec. 27, 8 p.m. ESPN

Can Miami get
back on track using their young
defense against Cal?

Independence Bowl, Northern Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech, Shreveport, La. Independence Stadium, Dec. 28, 8:15 p.m. ESPN
Roadtrip to Shreveport
anyone? Really, who is
interested? You?

Papajohns.com Bowl, NC State vs. Rutgers, Birmingham, Ala. Legion Field Dec. 29, 3 p.m. ESPN

Should either of these
teams even be in a bowl?
Rutgers wins it big.

Valero Alamo Bowl, Missouri vs. Northwestern, San Antonio Alamodome Dec. 29, 8 p.m. ESPN

The Wildcats find a
way to win and Mizzou finds
ways to lose big games.

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl, Maryland vs. Nevada, Boise, Idaho Bronco Stadium, Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m. ESPN

This game gets zero
viewers at best. What a prize:
Game in Idaho

Texas Bowl, Rice vs. Western Michigan, Houston Reliant Stadium, Dec. 30, 8 p.m., NFL Network

I love rice in my
Texas bowl...oh, I really
like West Michigan.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, Oklahoma State vs. Oregon, San Diego Qualcomm Stadium Dec. 30, 8 p.m., ESPN

Lots o' points in this
matchup between the Ducks and
Cowboys of OK.

Armed Forces Bowl, Houston vs. Air Force, Fort Worth, Texas, Amon G. Carter Stadium, Dec. 31, Noon ESPN

Will you watch this game?
I doubt I will watch this game.
Who's playing again?

Brut Sun Bowl, Oregon State vs. Pittsburgh, El Paso, Texas Sun Bowl Dec. 31, 2 p.m. CBS

The Pitt 'stache tries to
find a way to slow the bros
Rodgers running by.

Gaylord Hotels Music City, Boston College vs. Vanderbilt, Nashville, Tenn. LP Field Dec. 31, 3:30 p.m. ESPN
Vandy hasn't gone
bowling in 26 years.
They stay home this year?

Insight Bowl: Kansas vs. Minnesota, Tempe, Ariz. Sun Devil Stadium, Dec. 31, 5:30 p.m. NFL Network

Two up-and-comers
collide and fight for football
mediocrity.

Chick-fil-A Bowl, LSU vs. Georgia Tech, Atlanta, Georgia Dome Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m. ESPN

Chicken anyone?
I doubt LSU can stop
the triple option.

Outback Bowl, South Carolina vs. Iowa, Tampa, Fla. Raymond James Stadium, Jan. 1, 2009, 11 a.m. ESPN.

Do the Cocks have the
D to stop Shonn Greene in Jan?
Hawkeyes win it big.

Capital One Bowl, Georgia vs. Michigan State, Orlando, Fla. Florida Citrus Bowl, Jan. 1, 2009, 1 p.m. ABC

Luckily for the
Dawgs, the Spartans have no O.
Georgia wins big.

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl, Clemson vs. Nebraska, Jacksonville, Fla., Jacksonville Municipal Stadium, Jan. 1, 2009, 1 p.m. CBS

How did these two teams
ever make a Jan. 1 bowl?
Who wins it? Who cares?

The Rose Bowl Game Presented by Citi, Penn State vs. USC, Pasadena, Calif. Rose Bowl Jan. 1, 2009, 4:30 p.m. ABC

Rey Maualuga
hopefully won't run over
Joe Pa's new, fake hip.

FedEx Orange Bowl, Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech, Miami Dolphin Stadium, Jan. 1, 2009, 8:30 p.m., FOX

The Bearcats should win.
Beamer ball's lost its luster...
so has the Orange.

AT&T Cotton Bowl, Ole Miss vs. Texas Tech, Dallas, Cotton Bowl Jan. 2, 2009, 2 p.m. FOX

I would give my left...
to hear the talk at mid-field
between these coaches.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl, Kentucky vs. East Carolina, Memphis, Tenn., Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium, Jan. 2, 2009, 5 p.m. ESPN

Skip Holtz's offense
will stumble and fall against
Kentucky's defense.

Allstate Sugar Bowl, Utah vs. Alabama, New Orleans Superdome Jan. 2, 2009, 8 p.m. FOX

These Utes won't fair as
well as Meyer's did, winning
a BCS game.

International Bowl, Buffalo vs. Connecticut, Toronto, Rogers Centre, Jan. 3, 2009, Noon ESPN2

The two guys who should
have been the top picks for 'Cuse
go trans-national.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, Ohio State vs. Texas, Glendale, Ariz. University of Phoenix Stadium Jan. 5, 2009, 8 p.m. FOX

The Buckeyes want this.
Longhorns are disappointed.
Look for an upset.

GMAC Bowl, Tulsa vs. Ball State, Mobile, Ala., Ladd-Peebles Stadium Jan. 6, 2009, 8 p.m. ESPN

Tulsa will score a
ton of points on Letterman's
one-loss Cardinals.

FedEx BCS National Championship Game, Florida vs. Oklahoma, Miami, FL, Dolphin Stadium Jan. , 2009, 8 p.m. Fox
This is the big one.
Who will win the national
championship? I...

7 comments:

KR said...

Jesus, that's a lot of Haiku. I think I just got my fix for 2009.

jenny said...

Here's one for you:

Ohio Buckeyes,
you want to know how it feels
to have your ass kicked?


I think that uses enjambment, or some shit like that.

Hook 'em horns.

comoprozac said...

Who are the "Ohio Buckeyes"? The Ohio State Buckeyes have a legitimate chance.

jenny said...

Oops, I'm sorry. Y'all get your name in order and whatnot.

In the meantime, we'll be gettin' ready for some ass whoopin.

Care to lay some money on it? I could use something extra.

comoprozac said...

Jenny, let's do this. Only I say we don't bet money. I think the loser should have to write a haiku protesting the winner's excellence (be that team or blogger). Oh, and I want the points. (Early guesses are at 14, but I'm willing to wait for an official line from Vegas.)

Luke said...

Fantastic. I just wonder how many more people will watch the worthless games solely because of their entry in ESPN's college bowl mania.

Also, in regards to the Ohio Buckeyes, it's worth noting OSU fans themselves apparently get confused. They have a chant, similar to M-I-Z Z-O-U, that goes O-H I-O, with no state involved. Go Bobcats!

comoprozac said...

Luke, thanks for stopping by.

Um, screw the Bobcats. WE are still The Ohio State University.

(FYI-I earned my graduate degree and met my partner at Ohio State. Go Bucks!)