Top Ten Hang-Out Spots in COMO

Things in Misery aren't all that bad. We do find ways to spend our free time...besides blogging. There are several great spots in town at which to loiter. Hang-outs can involve entertainment, seating, food, drink, or a little bit of everything.

So, here is the definitive living in misery list of hang-outs in all of COMO-town...

10. Mojo's - 1013 Park Ave, (573) 875-0588
Why hang out here?: Jamaican jerk chicken, indie rock, a patio
Why not to hang out?: shotgun-style architecture makes for a long, narrow room and poor acoustics
Typical Happening: There are regularly (or irregularly) great indie rock bands playing Mojo's, like this Thursday's Bald Eagle happening.

9. Cooper's Landing - 11505 S Easley River Rd, (573) 657-2544 Why hang out here?: Thai food, a view of The Big Muddy (aka Missouri River)
Why not to hang out?: mosquitoes, possibility of hippies and a drum circle
Typical Happening: You can chow down on some authentic Thai while tapping your foot to the many blue grass bands that pass through on their canoes.

8. Flat Branch Brewery - 115 S 5th St, (573) 499-0400
Why hang out here?: beer, great patio, beer
Why not to hang out?: long waits, green chili beer
Typical Happening: You'll order a beer at the bar while waiting for a seat on the patio. Two KT Trails later, you're still waiting and decide just to drink at the bar and grab a growler to go.
7. Tropical Liqueurs - 515 E Broadway, (573) 442-8098
Why hang out here?: sweet, icy, adult drinks
Why not to hang out?: nothin' tropical about it
Typical Happening: You and your friends head to Trops before your favorite outdoor event in the District in order to satisfy your thirst for something sweet, cold and alcoholic in a Styrofoam to-go cup.

6. Sycamore - 800 E Broadway, (573) 874-8090
Why hang out here?: best beer selection in town, sophisticated menu
Why not to hang out?: yuppie clientele, pricey
Typical Happening: You and your significant other sit down for a romantic evening. You start the night off with an Oberon and order one of the Boulevard Smokestack Series to wash down the appetizer. By the time you finish a Duvel and order a barley wine for dessert, your partner has left you in a drunken stupor, but you're happily drunk on good beer.
5. Sparky's Homemade Ice Cream - 21 S 9th St, (573) 443-7400
Why hang out here?: kids love ice cream, owner loves this blog
Why not to hang out?: kids love ice cream, no salty caramel
Typical Happening: On a typically hot, Misery day, you take the kids for a cone and order yourself a Guinness float.

4. Shakespeare's Pizza (Downtown) - 225 S 9th St, (573) 449-2454
Why hang out here?: pizza, beer
Why not to hang out?: pizza tastes like cardboard the next day, still no garlic
Typical Happening: You meet a group of friends for some pizza, beer, and good times after the families have taken their dough-wielding children home.

3. Booches - 110 S 9th St, (573) 874-9519
Why hang out here?: the greatest burgers ever, beer
Why not to hang out?: too many curmudgeons, no vegetables (except for potato chips)
Typical Happening: Your dad comes into town about 3-4 times a year and this is the only place he wants to go while in COMO. Dad's like hamburgers.

2. Cherry Street Wine & Bistro - 505 Cherry St, (573) 442-7281
Why hang out here?: best dining in town, great wine selection, decent beer choices
Why not to hang out?: pricey
Typical Happening: You take your partner out for a romantic dinner, only this time you both get properly tipsy on wine...well, you know what happens next.

1. Ragtag Cinema Cafe Complex - 10 Hitt Street, (573)443-4359
Why hang out here?: coffee, beer, flicks, patio
Why not to hang out?: too many hipsters bumping elbows with yuppies
Typical Happening: You start out your day with a coffee and croissant from Uprise as you use the free wi-fi to get some work done. Soon, you have lunch and step next door to pay off your late fees at Ninth Street Video. As the workday winds down, you reward yourself with a Two-Hearted Ale Barry has already poured for you and contemplate whether to to see Son of Rambow or stay around for the rock show they forgot to promote.

What do you think? Did I miss something? Are they in the wrong order? Leave a comment. Join the fun! (Click on the pics above for their source.)

To 10 Ways to Know You're Back in Misery

While returning from a recent trip to see family in Detroit, R and I noticed several markers that told us we were back in Misery. Here is the definitive Top 10 Ways to You Know You're Back in Misery (in no particular order):

Anti-Abortion/Pro-Baby Billboards - As we made our way through the St. Louis airport to baggage claim, we noticed the first sign that we were back in Misery was...well...a sign. It was some initiative for people to have more babies or something. I don't know. It had a big photo of some baby and some words about "life" or some crap. Anyway, this was not the last sign on our trek home. I must have counted 15-20 billboards proclaiming life as good, abortion as bad, or a little of both. We saw one sign protesting abortion in all of Detroit, and that was held up by some crazy dude in front of a Planned Parenthood.

Pretty, Young White Girls - Every billboard selling anything from gasoline to hot wings to ski-dos featured pretty, young white girls (mostly blonde with blue eyes). Did the ad agents in this state all go to the same sexist advertising school where they teach the lesson that nothing sells as well as pretty girls with nice smiles? There's one set of billboards for a gas station/convenience store that lines up 3-4 billboards that feature almost nothing except close ups of young girls with bright smiles. It doesn't stop with the billboards in this state, just check out the latest "supermodel" ads from Doc and Norm. Before you know it, organizations like...oh...I don't know...Woodcrest (hipster Christian destination) will feature their more attractive female parishioners on their TV ads...wait...they're already doing that!

Crooked-ass Parking - People in this state do not know how to park. Sure, it doesn't help that so many of them drive gigantic SUV's and the parking spaces are made for Yugo and Smart cars, but it's ludicrous that I can't get in or out of my car every time I go to the Target. Of course, every state has a driving disability. I'm from Ohio, and we like to drive just below the speed limit in the left lane.

Ethanol Crazy - This state is crazy about it's corn, and Misery-ans love to fill their gas tanks with it. There are even billboards and depictions on ethanol tankers bashing Middle East oil companies in favor of home-grown corn fuel. Ethanol supporters even promote the fuel as pro-environment alternative. However, they fail to mention that the production of ethanol is extremely detrimental to the environment. Also, the fact that so much corn that is produced is inedible already with so much starvation in the world is somewhat disturbing and misguided. Is ethanol really a good use of our state's greatest resource?

Jesus Christ! - You'd think this was the holy land there are so many advertisements for Jesus, various churches, and Bible verses. It's not limited to billboards either, there are more "Jesus fish" on the back of cars than there are pictures of Calvin pissing on something. Then there are the churches that come in all shapes and sizes. There's a very good reason that the folks who made Jesus Camp came to Misery. God bless Misery and no one else!

XXX - You'd think that such a pro-life, pro-Jesus state would not have much porn to offer, but this state maintains a healthy dichotomy by supporting both mega churches and adult "book" stores. Giant triple-x's litter the highway. You can get some action all along Range Line Road (don't ask how I know this). I've also heard that a certain message parlor provides "happy ending". I guess babies have to come from someplace.

Racists - I won't pretend that Misery has more racists than any other state, but this place does have its share. There is no other place where this is more evident than on I-70 between COMO and St. Louis. On one side of the road is a place called "Hood's" with a giant white hood sitting out front. Right across the highway is giant white guy holding up the "Hail Hitler" salute. This doesn't even give attention to the Klan rally earlier this year or the obvious racial lines drawn in this town. Misery's statehood was held up over slavery. The state has a racist streak that won't go away.

It's hot! - The humidity doesn't make it any better, but it's too hot for a state that's supposedly not in the south. No one goes outside after 10 or 11. I haven't mowed the lawn in months. People die every year. Also, it is not usual for schools to close because of heat. This place is hot, and that's not a good thing.

Show Me - I know that it's the "Show Me" state, but the overuse of this phrase is ridiculous. Ever since some guy named Vandiver asked for some visual clarification, businesses from organic beef to restaurants featuring scantily-clad waitresses serving seafood to a famous phrase from Tom Cruise are using the obvious catchiness of simply stating "show me".

Mediocrity Rules! - Everything's just...well...ok. The state is famous for a mediocre (at best) beer. The Tigers are celebrated every year as almost winning the Big 12 North and 7-8 games. The Cardinals might win baseball's worst division with a sub-.500 record. The university has laid down a hiring freeze as they still can't find a suitable replacement for their president. Do they even know how to make a hire? Everything here is pretty Midwestern average.

Now, I could go on and on about Misery's key characteristics and shortcomings. There's the lack of ethnic food (and ethnicities), loads of contradictions (which are implied throughout this post), and an unawareness of space (related to the parking issue). However, I've bashed the state I'm enough...for now. Every place has it's identifying characteristics that let you know you're not in Kansas anymore...or Ohio. There will be time to revisit the state I'm in.