The Baby Harvest

During our many preparations for birth, I have had this post brewing about what I call "the baby harvest." There seems to be this overemphasis of bringing children into the world with little or no regard for the mother. It's as if the only thing that matters is to get that baby out.

Don't get me wrong. I do realize that the main reason in being pregnant is to bring a new human being into the world. No woman would put herself through the trial and error of pregnancy for nothing. A child is the main reason we do this. We want a chance to put someone good in this world. We want to extend our family tree. We want someone like ourselves in the community. I get that.

What I don't get is the cost to women, physically and emotionally. In what is already a daunting task for any woman and/or couple to undertake, we have systems in place that only make it harder. The mother and her experience are forgotten in all of this.

Since moving to COMO, land of the baby, many of our friends and co-workers have given birth. Additionally, one cannot go to the grocery or the mall or downtown without crossing paths with a very young, very pregnant woman. There really seems to be something in the water here.

Plus, I've had friends elsewhere experience their own difficulties with pregnancy. Some have overcome great obstacles to be on the verge of a life-altering event. Others have had their lives altered tragically at the hands of a cruel joke by mother nature.

In all of these instances, intentional or not, quite a bit of worth has been put on the women simply because they're expecting with little or no regard to their value before fertilization. It's as if their lives or accomplishments meant nothing once they were to become moms. Never mind that they were someone's sister or best friend or had published a book. Their real value was in the life they could grow, little else.

Conversely, I've known women who feel downright worthless due to their own failed pregnancies. These women are not without value because their pregnancy did not work out. It's not their fault it didn't come to fruition. They still have plenty of value to their partners, family, and community.

Take R for instance. She is a rather accomplished academic for someone so new to her field. R completed a master's in woman's studies and a doctorate in rhetoric and composition at one of the premier universities for both of those fields. She was relatively well-published and well-connected upon leaving school and nailed a research-1 job right out of the gate. Plus, she is an amazing aunt, sister, daughter, and friend. Of course, she's been a better partner than I could have ever hoped.

Although R is a very valuable person to her employer, field, family and friends, nothing can compare to the attention she receives now that she is pregnant. Most of the attention is well-intentioned. People want to support and celebrate as we take on parenthood. For that, I am grateful. It just seems there is more focus on the life inside R than the one she's been living. The person none of us knows yet is garnering more attention than the woman we've all known and loved for days, months, or years.

R deserves to feel love and supported during this pregnancy, but it shouldn't only be because of this pregnancy.

Even though I have my issues with my partner's new found attention, my real issue is the actual harvest. For whatever reason, our medical industry has made it increasingly difficult for us to have the birthing experience we want. Hence, the devaluation of my partner continues with the hospitals and doctors in this town (and I suspect all over the country).

Let's take the cesarean section rate in COMO. The World Health Organization figures that c-sections should happen about 5-10% of the time. Anything above 15% seem to do more harm than good. In 1965, the US was under 5%. As you can imagine, we've talked to many health care providers and couples who have recently given birth. Their estimates of the C-section rate in COMO range anywhere from 20% to 40%, depending on the hospital and doctor. That's at least double what the WHO recommends and near the top of the entire country (about 23% according to WHO).

Even though it seems to be the trendy thing to do, we wanted to do all we could to avoid a cesarean section birth. Of course, many hospital practices make this difficult to accomplish rather than supporting a mother's ability to have a natural, vaginal birth. From the position R wanted to be in to the avoidance of all chemical pain relief to catching her own baby, we have met opposition every step of the way.

We originally tried to get in at the only birthing center in town since home births with just a midwife, at the time, were illegal. We did the tour and met with a representative. She informed us that the doctor and midwife only met with patients on Thursday mornings. R was teaching at that time. She couldn't get out of it. What should have been something we all could have worked around, became our first obstacle to having the birth we desired.

The second obstacle happened when finances were involved. The doctor was new and out of network, meaning we would have to pay a handsome price for our child. On top of all that, the representative gave us that look that says, "If you really cared for your baby, you'd make this work." We didn't need to feel guilty that we actually have to work for a living and want to save money for our retirement.

So, we went the medical route. Some friends had somewhat successful births in hospitals, so we thought it would work for us. We even found a doctor who seemed willing to work with us.

Days, weeks, and months passed as we educated ourselves about pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing in preparation for our new roles as parents. The information we discovered on birth was the most disheartening. It seems that when mothers experience a highly medicalized birth, which means they get the pitocin to induce birth triggering many other interventions, it often ends in an "emergency" c-section. The pitocin speeds things along while the epidural slows and numbs. You end up taking one to counteract the other. It can turn into a vicious cycle. Of course, it should be noted that I am not an expert in any way, but taking all those drugs only to encourage more intervention doesn't seem right to me.

Then there's the whole monitoring thing. People will come in and out of the hallway to check a mother's progress. In other words, everybody and their brother will have their hands inside a mother just to see if they'll make that 3:30 tee time. This leaves the mother open to all sorts of infection. Much of this monitoring is unnecessary, not to mention that the more they monitor, the more they'll surely find something to worry about.

Anyway, it was starting to look like it was all we could do to fight hospital staff and even our own doctor to keep the birth as natural as possible. Most of our time meeting with a doula was spent on her coaching me as to the best methods to fight off pesky doctors and nurses. I didn't want to fight anybody. I wanted to support R and coach her through the birth.

Eventually, we wrote up a birthing plan to share with our doctor in hopes of making our birth as intervention-free as possible. She fought us on several points, destroying any confidence we had in her as our advocate. So, R looked at the birthing center again.

It turned out that the birthing center doctor was finally added to our network. So, we will have an opportunity to have a natural birth without a fight. R may even try catching the child while having a water birth. I will get a chance to actually assist my partner as opposed to warding off nurses and interns at every moment.

The birth may still not go as planned, but at least we'll have a chance to try.

My attitude towards baby harvesting has softened a bit, but I still have problems with our society's values toward birth and motherhood. We do all we can to birth more babies. We provide abstinence-only education in our schools, make it difficult for women to access safe and affordable abortions, and we regularly schedule c-sections all in an effort to get those babies out in the world.

And for what? We allow schools to decline. We constantly cut welfare programs. Day care is not easily accessible or affordable. All the focus is on a child before he or she is born. After birth, good luck.

I don't mean to sound so negative when we have a pretty exciting time ahead of us, but this experience has brought many of these issues to light. It is possible to look at a part of one's life and see both hope and problems. It doesn't mean that it's bad or good. It just is.

So, the baby harvest will continue. Many more teenage girls will give birth this year. Other women will be forced to have unnecessary c-sections. And we will join them in hopes that maybe things will change.