Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Birthday America!

Wow! It's hard to believe that our little plot of land has grown from 13 tiny colonies to the mammoth 50 state industrial complex, world dominator, Middle East colonizer that it is today in just 231 years!

To commemorate this great, great holiday (ri
ght up there with Christmas and Arbor Day), I am dedicating this post to America's greatness.

What is the most popular, important, vital product/commodity sold today? No, it's not the iPhone. It's oil. And the US ranks among the top countries in this vital energy producer. America ranks only #3 in production, but we rock the rest of the world in consumption and imports! China, the so-called next world power and currently the largest country on the planet (and largest producer of adoptable children), doesn't even use half as much oil as we do. We totally stomp China's pathetic oil-burning asses! It should also be noted that we keep our oil at home. The US exports only 1 million gallons of oil a day. That's how it's done! Let the rest of the world figure out their own oil shortages. We'll keep on producing our 8+ million barrels a day and importing another 12 just to keep our Hummers humming. Take that the rest of the world.

Of course, oil isn't everything. There's that crap about (pro)life, (Jeep) Liberty, and the
pursuit of happyness we're always hearing about. Well, we're awesome in those departments as well!

I am in the education field and fully believe that learnin' is the best way in which a society's citizenry can improve their economic and cultural status. The USA is awesome at readin', writin', and 'rithmetic (the three R's). According to the OECD, American 15 year olds ranked 24th in mathematics, 19th in science, 12th (That's right! U-S-A! U-S-A!) in reading, and 26th in problem solving.

Now, the naysayers/anti-Americans/terrorists might point out that those numbers aren't so good when considering that the US is like second
in educational spending, but I see the silver lining in the data. Those rankings are based on the top 38 industrialized nations. That means we're better than like 175 countries in math when you add in all the second and third-world countries. Take that Zambia!

Another area that America ranks higher-than-average is in health care. I don't care what Michael Moore says, we are freakin' ridiculous when it comes to making people feel better! We rank higher than Moore's new favorite country, Cuba. They're only #39, we're like two higher than that. Shoot! Who's ranked ahead of us? San Marino for one, actually they're #3. I've been there, and it's tiny. It's like the doll house of countries. They shouldn't count. Besides ranking us at 37, the World Health Organization (WHO?) found that the US-of-A is #1 in spending for health care. You know why? 'Cause we're rich! Dolla' dolla' bill, y'all! (Courtesy of the Wu Tang Clan)

God, I love this country and I wish her the best in the next 231 years. I'm not the only one saying it. The Times is comparing the US to Rome. Several national news sources are reporting that the US is #1. Even the controversial blog Daily Kos says that "America Is Number 1". What more do any of you need? This country rocks!

So, everyone live it up today. Shoot off some fireworks without losing too many fingers. Drink lots of PBR before crushing the can on your forehead (trust me). Get into a fight. (It's the American way.) And bake a birthday cake for our, not Mother Earth. Bake a cake for the one that birthed us all...or at least influences our lives the most (except for corporations and Hollywood). Sing "Happy Birthday" to the US-of-freakin'-A.

God bless America and no one else!

*Note: I actually began typing this post at 9:11...never forget that!

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